I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
