hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
