I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
