We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
