I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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