GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
