I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
