i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
