That's when you crack a 10am beer
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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