Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
