I think I won the penis lottery.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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