I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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