she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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