What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
