Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
