Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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