No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
