Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
