She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
