I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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