I just saw a hot homeless man
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
