Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
