he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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