thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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