You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
