I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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