he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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