I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
