dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love having hate sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
