once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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