I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
