You're a womanizer and a bitch.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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