How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
