I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I love you.
Bad choice
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