can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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