I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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