If that was your dad, he is hot
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
