i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we made out on top of his cat.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
