Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
