we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
