and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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