I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
