Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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