I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
