Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
