she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
