Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize