My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
