I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
