i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
