Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
