This is not my ceiling
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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