Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
