nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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