"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
