Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
