she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
