my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
