I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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