He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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