Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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