I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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