he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
