So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
