My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
