Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You took a bar mat shot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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