I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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