Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
