i need an iv and a liver transplant
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You made out with two different species that night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
