The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
